Finding your own goals in life…

I came to realize that life is not getting the best out of everything. What is the point of getting the best when you had achieved the results? Ask yourself; is this what you really want? What you really hoped for? Or this is just what everybody thinks that this is the best and anyone would desires…

Take a look around you. There are people driving nice cars, big cars with powerful engine, paying high installments every month; people living in big house, bungalows, having a few units of condominium; people having extra services, maids, gardeners, drivers, pet trainers. You name it!

We are always told to be contented, to appreciate what we have and not to compare among human since we’re little. What about now? When we are all grown up, getting older, having wiser thinking and all these thoughts are just dumped into the rubbish bin? A majority of people nowadays are having such thinking. It is not wrong to set high goals, but is there anyone who would look at the other side of the coin, to accept the limits of oneself?

I reached a stage where I was struggling, to find out what I want to do with my life, the next step that I was suppose to take. I thought to myself when my mom says that she is happy with her job as a clerk for many years, my aunt as a clerk who stand a chance to get promoted rejected the offer. Are they able to survive with such pay, to support their family and children? They lead a happy life with their family. They like what they are doing; they put in a little more each day perhaps. For them, having the best is not everything. Be contented and family connection are the things that is more important to them.

There’s someone who tells me that every journey will have their own destination. It does not matter which route you took, you will gain something at the end of the journey. It is just like what Robert Frost did in The Road Not Taken. He chose the route that lesser people would travel and he is satisfied with what he gained at the end.

So to all my friends out there, find your own goals in life. Only your own goals will give you satisfaction in the things that you do. Your hard work will bear fruits. At times when things does not comes your way, do not be disappointed or give up over unsatisfying results. Improve yourself.

If you are lost, having no goals, do not be worry as every journey you take will bring you somewhere. Learning is continuous process and remembers that "When everything seems to be going against you, remember the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." So when things comes the opposite ways, take up the challenge and remember what Henry Ford says. Have faith~

Is it what as it seem?

In a state of confusion, happy but disappointed, sad without anger. I still miss him a lot but I will only keep all those feelings to myself. There are lots of questions unanswered. I gave him chance and time to explain what I saw and what I notice from that blog. Why are two blogs so alike? Are both of the writers the same person? I checked on the date the blog was posted and I notice it’s in APRIL! According to him, he wrote that blog yesterday morning but how can that happen? Is something bad going to happen to me as what the cards says? Is it he is the friend whom I should be extra careful that might cause harm to me? :(

Yesterday was my company moon cake festival party. He asked me for movie after the dinner. I am quitting this company soon and I can’t find time for friends or chances to go out so I had long planned to spend time with him during that night. I rejected him for movie at first and after much thinking, I finally gave in. I was quite down but quite forgot about the incident halfway during the show. I’d a mixture of feelings as I still remembered how I felt when I found out the other blog due to my itchy hands of finding those somewhat looks like lyrics or poem from what he wrote to me. Aihz~

I kept looking at my hp, and there wasn’t any sms. “Will you still sms me?, How should I react?” I’d started to think again all the things that he does for me and when he is with me. Can he be trusted? I’m really confused now and scared.

>>Last two days he gave me a surprise as I saw him online in msn and sent me a friend request in facebook. He broke up with his girlfriend. Really surprised me as I thought she’s everything to him. Ah, patience has its limit though. Anyway, we starting keeping in touch again n catch up what we’d miss last time.

Tower, Judgement, Temperance

I hang out with my groups of friends during the weekend and she brought her tarots again. I’d made up my mind and I feel no point of me trying out the cards anymore. My itchy hand played the game again and I decided to ask regarding my job again. The card strikes again and it was the same card which I took the last time I played it. Miracles ah! So I’d made my mind to leave this company as it does not really motivate me to work, due to low pay and such colleagues.

As I’d decided on my relationship, putting all out to repair my breakdowns with in my relationship, nothing much I would have ask to draw the second card. But somehow, somewhere in my mind, there’s him and my second card, judgement comes along. Is what she’s saying going to happen? I didn’t doubt the power of her cards, but yesterday I finally made up my mind and tell him that we should maintain as friends in conversation and actions. He agreed to it without further question. Deep in my heart, I do still think about him. As I thought that I’d removed him from my thoughts, he’ll be away from my life. Things are not as easy as it may seem as I dreamt about him last night. I might lose the chance as how the cards explained but I believe in if it’s yours, I’ll always be.

My current relationship can be considered quite stable, but my feelings seem on and off. It happens when he is talking to me at such and making me quite irritated and losing control over my temper. Sometimes, those disappointments come back when he says about something and those things never happen. Are we really meant to be together? I’m confused. So my third card comes in, temperance. Nothing pretty exciting about it but it may last. And so I told myself that I’d made the right decision to be who I am with as I do see him as the family guy who can rely on, but what about my feelings. Am I being with someone whom I can live with or be with someone who I can’t live without? On the other hand, I did thought about my feelings for these two guys. Is it I haven’t found the right one yet?

>> Finally got a chance to upload my blog. Last night I had a dream about him again. The touch of his hands gives me a warm n sweet feeling, something that it’s hard to explain. I thought to myself, am I getting myself more involve in him or is it just a company as it may seems?

Progression and Development

Heard of people say that those whom you care can make u super happy and super sad? Well, I wasn’t really sure about this but this is what I felt. We spend our next gathering in the apartment Batu Ferringhi, Penang. We settle down and took some rest. We had a swim and waited for the time for the bbq to come. Geez, whole night I was so busy socializing with my friends and didn’t realize that I’d neglected my bf. I chatted from friends to friends, moving around all the time. This is when I was surprise to receive sms from my 012 phone. Who would have sms me at a time like this with this number? It was him alright. I smiled at his sms, is he bored or something? Should I walk over to entertain him as this I’d invited him to join us actually. Wouldn’t it be bad to abandon my bf like that?

One of his sms caught my attention. What has he been lacking in an environment like this? Seaside, food, and people, it’s already perfect I would say. Without hesitation, I walked up to his place and sit beside his friends. We chat a little and gosh, I need to move around again, entertainment one after another. Finally it’s time to head home. We took few pictures and clean up the place and return to the apartment.

It felt so nice after a hot shower. As it’s already late, my bf went to bed after resting in the living room. We started playing card games and drinking a lot. Seldom that I would spend time with my friends like this. I started to feel a bit drunk, so I rest myself on the sofa. We started to see Allen’s performance and we jus chit chat and laugh among ourselves. Sooner did I realize, he place his arms on my waist and bit by bit I could feel that he’s holding me closer to him. I did not reject his hugs and further more I put my hands and his palm. I felt so cosy in his arms. I placed my head towards his and I felt so close to him. I let go of his hands when my bf pic came into my mind. Until it’s about sunrise - 6 am, we finally return to our bedroom and take a nap. We started to pack and it’s about time to head back to KL.

Along the journey back, we were both thinking bout each other. He mentioned that if I didn’t have a bf, we would have started off already. He was trying to put us in a grey zone all these while so that things wouldn’t be hard for me and my bf. But the situation seems to get more complicated now as we show our feelings to each other. I do not feel that we are in a grey zone anymore. I have friends that told me not to lie to myself as they can see who I liked more.

Are things as easy as it seem for me to make a decision to let go of a 4 year relationship and to accept a new unknown relationship merely based on this few days development? I know I shouldn’t have judge the new guy as how he is as I’m attached now. Seeing my bf losing confidence in himself make me sad. He knows that my feelings for him have decreased since beginning of the year. I do not want to see him in pain or hurt his feelings. I’m jus torn between two, dilemmas.

I hope that I can get him out of my mind and just concentrate on my current relationship, though at times I thought about progressing with the new guy. Aihz

Khalyn’s Update

It’s been quite a while since the last time I pen down my feelings in my blog. I’d finally decided to stay with my current relationship. After considering the old times and my feelings, I realize I still want to continue with my current relationship. I am tired of staring anew. Be it I do not know what lies in front of me and everything will be uncertain. In compared to my current relationship, he still cares for me, for us and for our future. What more must I ask from a guy? I should be contented, be grateful and be more obedient. Nevertheless, I still feel happy being with him and that’s more than enough, right?

Human is always greedy, that’s why discipline comes in. well, on the other hand, my social circle will still grow, but nothing more will bloom from there. So I guess, you all can have a picture of what might be coming, right? *wink*

Thinking back and reading about past blogs.

Am I the type of person who is not loyal or do I fall in love easily? By the time I decided to take a break from my current relationship and just at that moment you came into my life. We blossom into some fantasy world; shower each other with sweet words, care and attention. Things make me look back about what I did in the past-flirt. Do I really flirt with you? Or telling someone that “I miss you” is not so right? I’m worried that my feeling for you now is just a crush as how I felt for the Aus guy.

My relationship with the Aus guy happen very fast and my feelings for him is not stable. Am I so confirmed back than that I developed new love for him? LOL! A kiss- it tells everything. When he approached me and kissed me that time, I did felt that weird feelings. What I can say, it’s just a crush, a temporary kind of thing.

For now, I do not know what love is anymore, perhaps the meaning of love has long gone, I never felt in love anymore. I lose hope in relationship, in guys, in trusting people. Relationship is so risky, without guarantee and full of surprises which would be good or bad. It’s hard to tell. I’m not sure that I am ready to be in a relationship. And so I speak out, I speak out to a third party and he advised me few things. It makes me think a lot, think about it for quite long during the nights. Thinking of what I really want now, he asked me to make my own decision. Few of those advise include I need to really think and decide rather than just drag the situation day passing day. :(

My own events report

I looked forward to today and finally it came. I reached there before 12.30pm. I met with Siew Chen later on and the rest of the friends at 1pm. We dine at Mc D and watched the movie called “Unborn”. This would be the third movie that we’d watched together as I could recall. This time, we didn’t sit together. Siew Chen was observing us all these while and we would talk about how we felt towards guys that comes into our life.

I begin to think of my actions again. More questions keep flooding my mind. I stop myself from looking at him so often and another side of me stole a few glances of him. Well, I would say I felt happy when we were walking and talking to each other. Although it’s just s short moment, but the feelings of closeness is there. The feelings are very difficult to describe, but it’s a sweet + happy type of feeling. :)

In my mind, things are under control as my initial plan was to mend my relationship with my current bf and at the same time venture in my new friendship with him. I’d no idea why time pass so fast and at last, it’s time to bid farewell. When I’m almost home, I insist on have a tea talk to clear my mind. I feel that my feelings for him have grown fonder towards him. I asked myself whether is it time for me to make decision now to choose my next path?

I wanted to know how he felt towards us now as I might the only one that think too much and caused this complication to my life. He seems to take it easy; his answered me in his usual relaxing manner. It felt so comfortable talking to him; I just hope that the night won’t end. We miss each other so much and wanted to see each other more. Are things still under control as we’d mentioned or the situation is moving to another stage? I just hope that we could still care for each other.

It’s 1am in the morning and I still look forward to your sms. Every night I will look at my phone for new sms from you. My eyes were half closed and I manage to sleep after that.

That night I had 2 dreams. The first 1, I was very tired and slept at Allen’s car when he was fetching me home. The next moment, I can see the sun is rising at the time, Walla! 7 am + in the morning when I reach home. Q: Geez, am I too worried that I would be home late last night?

The next dream, I was walking with him on a street, some busy street, passing by some company. I don’t know why but the more we walk the more close we get and suddenly we were hand in hand. I could feel the warmness of his hands. The more we walk further, more friends came to notice us.

Ah, what was I thinking that it gave me such a dream during the night? Shall I continue to walk in this dream or wake up and face my reality? Do I really need a two hour of plucking the petals of flowers to know what does my heart really want?

I do like this guy, but most of the time we are only talking over the internet and sms. Are we really meant to be together or the feelings same merely based on each other’s flirtatious sweet words? Must I make any changes now or shall I wait and see how things go? I do want to ask him for a date, spend real quality time with him, but will it be wrong doing that? What will he be thinking? Will he like it? Hugz~

Brain-Jammed

Feeling of overloaded with task and personal stuff is filling up every space of my mind now. Previously I was considering moving out from his house to find my own life, to be independent and do the things I want without other’s consent. We agreed to balance things out and it made me change my mind and continuing to stay at his place. I’d put all these aside till my ex colleague, Brian voice out regarding me meeting a new guy and telling me that my feelings for my current bf is fading. He feels that I’m the type of girl that prefers freedom. He too ask me to widen my market space and make my own planning to choose which guy that I want to spend my lifetime with when the time to settle own comes.

Whatever it is, I’m not cheating on my current bf and I’m not dating two guys. (Erm, why do I need to explain this here? LOL) Apart from that, Brian advice me to think about my future working in this company. As I told him that I wanted to pursue my studies, he would suggest that I continuing it now if I’m financially equipped. I talked to mom regarding this and she noticed that the government have several offers about pursuing studies. I might check that out later.

Besides, my mind is shared with my obsession regarding my work. I’d been thinking a lot about new marketing ideas, viral marketing, comic script and stories to promote and advertise the company’s game. Brian also asks me to spend about a year’s duration to learn everything and do my best in this company and that’s it! He says that there will be a limitation in this company and he advice me to enter a bigger company if I have the chance.

All these matters are flooding my mind and I know somehow I need to find a way to have answers to all these questions. Wish me luck, would ya? Arigato gozaimasu~

Oh ya, I was thinking whether wanna write a love novel about how a guy win a girl’s heart and I will take my everyday experience as a rough idea to compose the story. Beside that, I’m learning on how to make plushie and this Sat I’m going to get the materials ready!

Another outing...

I didn’t realize that few of you are noticing me as I was dreaming away during the dinner last night. My feelings are all mixed up. Do u usually treat others as how u treated me? I convince myself that I’m just thinking too much and controlling myself not to be so sensitive.

When I reach home, I just sat on the floor, thinking about what is going on. What is going on with me? Am I so desperate for care? My current partner cares for me a lot nowadays, isn’t it? But why my heart telling me find my wings and go out, do what I want and whatever that makes me happy?

It’s a tough analysis I’m going true. I told myself not to think too much about you. I came online as I know that you’re in the office, hopping that I could chat with you. And…and…and…and…something surprises me. The thing that you never intended to tell me, u told me. O.0 unbelievable! What I felt all these while is true. But what might come next? Will it be like what happen between me and the Aus guy? Phew~ I’m glad that you’re a considerate person. Things weren’t as bad as what I thought it might be. In fact things are clearer now. I do not need to be afraid that whatever words or action I used will ruin our friendship. I no longer need to avoid seeing you or contacting you. ^^

You make my day bright and bring me the brightest stars to show me the path during my darkest night. Well, yea, I will too consider about you if I’m not attached. Finding someone who is understanding and can bring happiness to your life is rare. But well, I do have guy friends whom I feel cares for me too. ^^

After our long chat, I felt much better. And it is sweet that you’d called. Your laughter somehow pushes those dark clouds away. Shall I say thanks to your car alarm and to you for forgetting to bring your tag down and you’re locked downstairs? :)

I’m hoping to see you around and thinking back, we are meeting at least on week once…is that a lot?

Things changed

Mixture of feelings showed during the weekend.

It is Saturday. After work, I waited for his car, as I make my way into the car, he didn’t smile. The situation is very cold till we reached Mid Valley. We talked very little. Seems like an argument is going to occur. No idea what happen, I just felt as if I’d done something wrong, something bad. If not, what might have caused him to be in such mood? I kept asking him what happen and I’d no idea how his mom heard about me complaining about his precious son. Darn, I only shared my thoughts with his sis and his aunt. Who else might have told her? And I want to clarify here, I am not complaining. I am just asking for opinions, advice. I’m just sharing my thoughts to someone that I trust. Can’t be trusted anymore? I felt betrayed. Sigh.

In fact, I asked him, are we having problems? I thought that everything is such a small thing. I thought that everything is just about me doubting my feelings and all that I need is just to find back the feelings that went missing. But I see more things now. We are lack of communication. We felt so different. I felt so awkward going out with him today. I’d no idea how come lately I can’t control my temper. I will just say everything that’s on my mind without much thinking. I better change that bad attitude. I tend to offend people a lot.

He says that I shouldn’t complain to others about my relationship problems as they will tell his mom. In fact, his mom say that “this is the bf that u chose.” Sigh. I feel quite tense to talk to people who don’t understand what I really want to say. I admit that I might make people misunderstand, but please do not make a statement or tambah garam to things that you THINK it is true.

Well, we finally talk things out. The situation changed. it felt so much sweeter now. It brings back a lot of the past memories when we were going out together :) . And I realise that my feelings for the previous one was i like him very much, it's different in compared to my bf. But to go on with my current relationship, it needs a lot of effort. :’( I want to keep it, but I’m very tired. Furthermore, he met with his ex and he say that he still have the feeling of hate to see her. What is that suppose to mean?

He even locks himself at home to avoid me “thinking nonsense.” But we already discuss about this topic and I told you that I did not restrict him from going out with them and I just don’t want further misunderstand to happen. But why is he giving me this explanation that I would think nonsense if he would to go out with them? Aih… I know I'm not a good gf, I do not play my role well. I feel that I'm undergoing hard times where people think negatively about me. Sad~

Upside down

What have I done today? I told Aunt Joe that he doesn’t like me to make new friends and going out with my new friends. She ask me, “are you not happy being with him” and I say, “I’m not not happy being with him” and she stated a statement of such, “.. is a fool to care for you”. I’m so surprised. Why? o.0 She misunderstand my answers? She answered me no, but why is she giving me such a statement?

I am just sharing my thoughts with her, I do not hide anything or keep some of the things to myself. Am I being too honest? I felt that she thinks that I do not appreciate him, his care, his love. What!! It’s not like what she’s thinking. Though I doubt my feelings for him recently, but after much thoughts I’d finally realized and confirmed what I want and how I feel. My feelings for him are still there. Just that I didn’t think much about it. It’s more like leaving it aside or hid it somewhere unknown. It’s probably due to too many disappointment and insecurity in the past. But since after I saw how he reacts recently, I felt that he still cares after all. It means that I did not make a wrong choice to hold on to this relationship (so much for being stubborn >.<).

It’s not that I’m not happy being with you. Maybe we spend too much time doing the same thing and things go in just a straight line. Honestly, I’m not bored with you. I’m a person who counts value not in terms of $, how could I be bored then? But I want to bring in more excitement to our relationship. As we are still 24, I want to do more things, experience more things with you. But you’re not the type who would do that. For instance, simple task like jogging, I know that you’re not into it, so I decided to go by myself, but you state that your mom will nag at you. So does it mean that I shouldn’t go as well? I do not demand that you need to do things with me. For me, it’s just a small matter. What bout regarding shopping? Sometimes there are things that I want to buy, or places that I want to go. I do not mind to go alone in fact. What’s the problem with it actually? What about me making friends?

You said that I’d changed. Yea, I agree. I’m putting more things into my priority list. And I’m making new friends, I value friendship more now but I did not put us aside. Do keep in mind, I love you stil~

P/s: Lucky that things didn’t develop any further between…. If not, things would be much more complicated. But at least whatever happens wakes me up and makes me think of what I want to find in life. It makes life more meaningful. Thank you, thank you Vic! Hope you’re doing well and happy with your life now. God bless.

Start of something new?

“You there?” That’s the first word that you msned me since we last chat. I think it’s almost 3 weeks we didn’t hear from each other. Wow! I felt as if it’s been few months, or years. Honestly, I’m afraid that I might feel awkward when we chat again. I’m being very careful with the words that I’m using to reply you. I do not want another silence after this chat.

The words that you’d once said to me still remain in my mind. “You’re making me very miserable.” It hurts a lot when these words coming from a person whom you really care and close to. But it doesn’t matter now.

I somehow realize something from the show “Look for a Star” that I’d watched few days back. When you love someone, you won’t give up that easily. Love can make someone do a lot of things – to sacrifice. There’s this phrase from the show which I find it quite meaningful, “there’s a happiness crystal ball, the pieces are scattered all over the world. There are a lot of people collecting the pieces, some will manage to collect a few pieces of happiness, and others will manage to collect more.” It makes me think about us, the time that we shared not much, the happiness that we get is not much either, but we felt happy together before and that’s what that matters.

Well, I’m quite surprise that you decided to talk to me again. But what’s the purpose? LOL! You said it’s partly because my birthday is coming and partly wanted to know that I’m ok. Haha! Must I feel happy? What if I’m born on the 31st of Dec? Wow, I will need to wait for quite a while to hear from you again.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I’d learn a lot of things from the past. I’d this funny colleague that we msn often n sms once a while, he like to say “just joking” when we talk about something more in depth/sweet. *Giggles* Probably he doesn’t want me to misunderstand his words. But whatever it is, I will keep a distance from him, mainly because I don’t want things to turn ugly as how it happens to us. I like to share my sadness with him, as he listen, he advice, he’s there. Can be quite a good friend I think. *Wink*

On the other hand, I’m getting on quite okay with my current relationship now though I concentrate more on my job, planning for more events and promotion for GE. Hope things will always be on the good side and “God, please bless everyone with love and happiness”…

Journey Continues...

How have you been doing lately? I’m still thinking a lot about you. Wondering when would we start to keep in touch again. In fact, I dreamt about you smsing me last night. I felt very happy to receive your first sms as it shows that we can start building a new friendship. It seems ages to me since I last heard from you. I no longer see you online anymore, are you busy? Travelling to KL? Or did you block me at msn? *Sad*

I’d befriend with another Gemini guy. It reminds me a lot about us. He is one of my business partners at work. We started to msn quite a lot lately. Last night we went out for dinner with other colleagues. It is nice to make new friends; to do something different apart from purely working and staying at home, chit-chat, release stress and to broaden the social circle. Different individual shares different views and experiences in life. I realized a lot of things as I listen to stories about other people. It makes me think about what I have got to plan for my future. I shouldn’t just be contented with my results now, including my job, income and etc.

I used to be quite ambitious type of person, longing to learn new things and push myself quite far (really?). I like to feel satisfied with what I’d done. I’m not the type of person who can go very far, but I like to try, to work hard. Seeing the results puts me high in the air. I can’t remember the last time I have such feelings of satisfaction but I know it’s not recent. Honestly, I’m not satisfied with my academy result. What happen to me? My academy result shouldn’t be like that. How come I do not care much about my academy result anymore? (Actually it’s not that I don’t care, when it comes to things that I don’t understand, I’m lost and it puts me very far from the track.)

*Feeling very semangat now* I gotta do something, gotta do something, gotta do something… But do what? *Lol*

I’m planning to take up a language course, perhaps Japanese or Korean as a start. Probably will take up another short course, maybe I will look into some computer designing course or management course. Not so sure about it yet. I’m going to hunt down more information before making any final decision. Anyone can give me some good advice? Some suggestions? Wish me luck k! But nobody knows about my blog pun. =.=”

Life Goes On

I look at your Facebook profile whenever I log-in. I ask myself whether or not you are happy with your new relationship as how I see you smiling in the photos beside your love one and hugging her so sweetly. I’d been thinking about you everyday. I can some what still feel your care and I feel that I’m quite attached to you although things are different now. For me, I felt as if things have never change. I still check my hp for sms quite often. It’s weird that my hp is so quiet now. Maybe I still can’t let you go though I’m compressing the feelings now.

I know that I have someone else whom I should pay attention to. He treats me quite well, cares more for me and gives me more attention lately. His family talks about our marriage but I feel that I’m not prepared for it; I still don’t see the time yet. I started to ask myself what is it that I want to do now. What is love? How deep are my feelings for him? Uh, confused again. I feel quite guilty towards him. *Sigh*

Ah, I guess I have to somehow try to love him again as much as I do last time. Though the feelings are not as strong as before, but I can still feel that my feelings for him are not totally gone. I can’t bear to hurt his heart, see him in pain and sorrows. I will do my best as I know I won’t give up easily. *Yay*

On the other hand, I still have you in mind, missing you each day as always. We won’t make good couple, we both know that; but I hope that we can make great friends. Take care pal, may god bless you and have a save journey back to Aus!

Confusion again =.="

Everything seem fine to me. I was thinking that if I would only look into my current relationship, fully focus on it and putting you away from my mind, everything will be better but...

Damn, I woke up 4 something in the morning again, and I miss you so much. Things are different for me when I came back to KL. Each time I place my lips on my bf, my mind can only think about our kiss. The feelings are so different. Gosh, am I madly in love with you? I keep asking myself, do I still love my bf? I'm so confused about my feelings now. I guess it doesn't matter for you now as you'd already found your new love and you already have someone who love you so much and make you so happy.

Seeing your photos with your gf in facebook makes me super duper down. On the other hand, I'm happy if you're happy with your current relationship as I know I couldn't give you as much as she does. I shouldn't hold you back as you will be happier in your new relationship. Smiles can be seen in every picture of your and her together. What I can do now is just give my fullest blessing for both of you. Hereby, I would like to dedicate this song for you. Probably I can sing this song for you in return to our Shuo Hao De Xing Fu. *wink*

-Chinese Edition-
祝福 (張學友)
(朋友 我永遠祝福你)

不要問 不要說 一切盡在不言中
這一刻偎著燭光 讓我們靜靜的渡過
莫揮手 莫回頭 當我唱起這首歌
怕只怕淚水輕輕的滑落

願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬

幾許愁 幾許憂 人生難免苦與痛
失去過 才能真正懂得去珍惜和擁有
情難捨 人難留 今朝一別各西東
冷和熱點點滴滴在心頭

願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬

傷離別 離別雖然在眼前
說再見 再見不會太遙遠
若有緣 有緣就能期待明天
你和我重逢在燦爛的季節

願心中留著笑容
陪你渡過每個春夏秋冬

-Pinyin-
Zhu Fu (Zhang Xue You)
(Peng you Wo yong yuan zhu fu ni)

Bu yao wen Bu yao shuo Yi qie jin zai bu yan zhong
Zhe yi ke wei zhe zhu guang Rang wo men jing jing de du guo
Mo hui shou Mo hui tou Dang wo chang qi zhe shou ge
Pa zhi pa lei shui qing qing de hua luo

Yuan xin zhong yong yuan liu zhe wo de xiao rong
Ban ni zou guo mei yi ge chun xia qiu dong

Ji xu chou Ji xu you Ren sheng nan mian ku yu tong
Shi qu guo Cai neng zhen zheng dong de qu zhen xi he yong you
Qing nan she Ren nan liu Jin zhao yi bie ge xi dong
Leng he re dian dian di di zai xin tong

Yuan xin zhong yong yuan liu zhe wo de xiao rong
Ban ni zou guo mei yi ge chun xia qiu dong

Shang li bie Li bie sui ran zai yan qian
Shuo zai jian Zai jian bu hui tai yao yuan
Ruo you yuan You yuan jiu neng qi dai ming tian
Ni he wo chong feng zai can lan de ji jie

Yuan xin zhong liu zhe xiao rong
Pei ni du guo mei ge chun xia qiu dong

-English Translation-
Blessings (Jacky Cheung)
(Friend, I'll give you my blessings forever)

Don't ask, don't speak, leave everything unspoken
This moment cuddles the candlelight, letting us quietly pass through
Don't wave your hands, don't turn back, when I sing this song
My only fear is that tears will softly begin to flow

I hope your heart will keep my smile forever
Accompanying you through every season

How many worries, how many concerns, life is inevitably bitter and painful
Only after loss, do we really understand how to cherish and to hold
Love is hard to let go, people are hard to keep, nowadays once we bid farewell we go our separate ways
Cold and warmth, little by little, drop by drop, are taken to heart

I hope your heart will keep my smile forever
Accompanying you through every season

Pain has parted, yet pain is still before my eyes
I've said goodbye, yet goodbye is not so far away
Perhaps we have fate, with fate then I can look forward to tomorrow
You and I will meet again in a glorious season

I hope that my smile is kept in your heart
Keeping you company through every season

Moments that can only be cherish in words

It's 8.30am when I reach the office. It seems early to me, usually I would check on my phone for sms and would call you and we would talk on the phone. Things weren’t as before and I still like to keep these moments with me, moments that I would never want to forget.

It's the 23rd of Jan and I just reached Penang. We decided to meet that very night. I felt very excited as it's going to be our first meeting. You picked me up from home. I speed up my steps as I walk towards your car in the opposite road. My hearts thumping as I make myself comfortable with my seats in your car, Wira. I looked at you, smile and giggles as we are heading to Queensbay. I still couldn't believe my eyes as this is the guy I'm talking to all these while. Things didn’t go smoothly as we dine in at Coffee Bean. We are having communication breakdown and argument is on the rise. It's quite bad for a first time meeting.

The following day we meet up again. We are going to Gurney for Sakae for our first meal. Before that, we find a place and talked about us. You felt that I wasn't as sweet as you think I am in comparison to the time before we met. (Disappointment?). On the way home, you asked me to make a big decision. I never thought that the decision can change so many things. We finally agree that we shouldn't be together. You gave a day for us to try as couple and my feelings for you are still not determined. Time pass quite fast and it's time for us to depart. I felt so hard to let go thinking about what had happen as I sat on my bed. The feelings for you seem so strong. It's not as simple as I thought. It's something more that I would felt for a friend. I asked myself several times as tears rolling down my cheeks, was it love?

I'm having a hard time as the days seems like years to me. I felt very moody, can't sleep properly and have little appetite for food. I still remember you asking me whether to accept another girl that shows you sign that she likes you as we can't be together when I'm attached to my bf. You did not entertain my sms much as you said that you'd given me a day to show my real feelings for you and I didn't. (Is there any time limit if you're showing love for someone?).

We didn't contact much as your friend is coming over from KL and staying at your place. I still feel that things happen too fast. One moment you're so sweet and the next you're ignoring me to the max. Sweet things still runs through my mind, I felt so loved whenever you pat and runs your finger through my hair. (Heart melts). It wasn't long when I saw your facebook stated that you are in a relationship with another girl. I'm quite shocked, the world whole become so blank suddenly. I knew somehow we have to talk about this issue and so I waited from Sunday till Tuesday.

I'm still quite emotional and everyday I would date different guys out just to fill up my time. I wouldn't choose to be at home and keep thinking about you. Few days passed and my emo is getting more stable.

Finally Tuesday reached and I suggested that we went Queensbay Chopper Board for dinner. I'd made up my mind that there wasn't any slight chance left that we might be together as both of us are attached now and we can't click to each other quite well. But I still have words that I kept so long in my heart, all those questions that I seek for answers from you. My heart felt so light after that, it's like plucking out all the thorns from my heart though the pain is still there. The time where we stand at the Centre Court talking is the sweetest moments for me. As you placed your arms over my shoulder, I could only see you in my world. I lay down on your shoulder and I felt so xing fu. How I wish the time would stop. You move your other arms and hugged me from the back and we hug so much. (Heart melts again =.="). Aih, it's time to go home and I request that we took pictures together as remembrance. We were in the car and I look at you, into your eyes. You move closely to me and oops, we kissed - again. (Am I dreaming?) I felt this is a sign of a new love, a new relationship.

We meet up again at school. We went for school food and visited few teachers. We decided to rest at the pavilion and chit chat for a while as it's going to be the last time that we will meet this holiday as I'm leaving for KL at 1.30pm on that day. We'd both agreed that we should set a limit to the things we do in future. You sang our song - Shou Hao De Xing Fu Ne, as I lay my head on your shoulder. Before we left, we French kiss - again? (o.0). I didn't stop as I know it’s going to be the very last time you show your feelings for me. My heart felt so heavy as you drop me back.

Good bye my dear, my bi, my kai xing guo. May you be well, be happy and bless with love in your relationship. Hope that as time goes by, we can be friends again since you need time to get over our issue. Meanwhile I can only log on into your facebook and blogs to update myself with your info. I still have strong affection for you. We might not be lovers, but you will always be someone that I care and love very very much. Muaks and Hugs~