Feeling of overloaded with task and personal stuff is filling up every space of my mind now. Previously I was considering moving out from his house to find my own life, to be independent and do the things I want without other’s consent. We agreed to balance things out and it made me change my mind and continuing to stay at his place. I’d put all these aside till my ex colleague, Brian voice out regarding me meeting a new guy and telling me that my feelings for my current bf is fading. He feels that I’m the type of girl that prefers freedom. He too ask me to widen my market space and make my own planning to choose which guy that I want to spend my lifetime with when the time to settle own comes.
Whatever it is, I’m not cheating on my current bf and I’m not dating two guys. (Erm, why do I need to explain this here? LOL) Apart from that, Brian advice me to think about my future working in this company. As I told him that I wanted to pursue my studies, he would suggest that I continuing it now if I’m financially equipped. I talked to mom regarding this and she noticed that the government have several offers about pursuing studies. I might check that out later.
Besides, my mind is shared with my obsession regarding my work. I’d been thinking a lot about new marketing ideas, viral marketing, comic script and stories to promote and advertise the company’s game. Brian also asks me to spend about a year’s duration to learn everything and do my best in this company and that’s it! He says that there will be a limitation in this company and he advice me to enter a bigger company if I have the chance.
All these matters are flooding my mind and I know somehow I need to find a way to have answers to all these questions. Wish me luck, would ya? Arigato gozaimasu~
Oh ya, I was thinking whether wanna write a love novel about how a guy win a girl’s heart and I will take my everyday experience as a rough idea to compose the story. Beside that, I’m learning on how to make plushie and this Sat I’m going to get the materials ready!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Another outing...
I didn’t realize that few of you are noticing me as I was dreaming away during the dinner last night. My feelings are all mixed up. Do u usually treat others as how u treated me? I convince myself that I’m just thinking too much and controlling myself not to be so sensitive.
When I reach home, I just sat on the floor, thinking about what is going on. What is going on with me? Am I so desperate for care? My current partner cares for me a lot nowadays, isn’t it? But why my heart telling me find my wings and go out, do what I want and whatever that makes me happy?
It’s a tough analysis I’m going true. I told myself not to think too much about you. I came online as I know that you’re in the office, hopping that I could chat with you. And…and…and…and…something surprises me. The thing that you never intended to tell me, u told me. O.0 unbelievable! What I felt all these while is true. But what might come next? Will it be like what happen between me and the Aus guy? Phew~ I’m glad that you’re a considerate person. Things weren’t as bad as what I thought it might be. In fact things are clearer now. I do not need to be afraid that whatever words or action I used will ruin our friendship. I no longer need to avoid seeing you or contacting you. ^^
You make my day bright and bring me the brightest stars to show me the path during my darkest night. Well, yea, I will too consider about you if I’m not attached. Finding someone who is understanding and can bring happiness to your life is rare. But well, I do have guy friends whom I feel cares for me too. ^^
After our long chat, I felt much better. And it is sweet that you’d called. Your laughter somehow pushes those dark clouds away. Shall I say thanks to your car alarm and to you for forgetting to bring your tag down and you’re locked downstairs? :)
I’m hoping to see you around and thinking back, we are meeting at least on week once…is that a lot?
When I reach home, I just sat on the floor, thinking about what is going on. What is going on with me? Am I so desperate for care? My current partner cares for me a lot nowadays, isn’t it? But why my heart telling me find my wings and go out, do what I want and whatever that makes me happy?
It’s a tough analysis I’m going true. I told myself not to think too much about you. I came online as I know that you’re in the office, hopping that I could chat with you. And…and…and…and…something surprises me. The thing that you never intended to tell me, u told me. O.0 unbelievable! What I felt all these while is true. But what might come next? Will it be like what happen between me and the Aus guy? Phew~ I’m glad that you’re a considerate person. Things weren’t as bad as what I thought it might be. In fact things are clearer now. I do not need to be afraid that whatever words or action I used will ruin our friendship. I no longer need to avoid seeing you or contacting you. ^^
You make my day bright and bring me the brightest stars to show me the path during my darkest night. Well, yea, I will too consider about you if I’m not attached. Finding someone who is understanding and can bring happiness to your life is rare. But well, I do have guy friends whom I feel cares for me too. ^^
After our long chat, I felt much better. And it is sweet that you’d called. Your laughter somehow pushes those dark clouds away. Shall I say thanks to your car alarm and to you for forgetting to bring your tag down and you’re locked downstairs? :)
I’m hoping to see you around and thinking back, we are meeting at least on week once…is that a lot?
Monday, March 2, 2009
Things changed
Mixture of feelings showed during the weekend.
It is Saturday. After work, I waited for his car, as I make my way into the car, he didn’t smile. The situation is very cold till we reached Mid Valley. We talked very little. Seems like an argument is going to occur. No idea what happen, I just felt as if I’d done something wrong, something bad. If not, what might have caused him to be in such mood? I kept asking him what happen and I’d no idea how his mom heard about me complaining about his precious son. Darn, I only shared my thoughts with his sis and his aunt. Who else might have told her? And I want to clarify here, I am not complaining. I am just asking for opinions, advice. I’m just sharing my thoughts to someone that I trust. Can’t be trusted anymore? I felt betrayed. Sigh.
In fact, I asked him, are we having problems? I thought that everything is such a small thing. I thought that everything is just about me doubting my feelings and all that I need is just to find back the feelings that went missing. But I see more things now. We are lack of communication. We felt so different. I felt so awkward going out with him today. I’d no idea how come lately I can’t control my temper. I will just say everything that’s on my mind without much thinking. I better change that bad attitude. I tend to offend people a lot.
He says that I shouldn’t complain to others about my relationship problems as they will tell his mom. In fact, his mom say that “this is the bf that u chose.” Sigh. I feel quite tense to talk to people who don’t understand what I really want to say. I admit that I might make people misunderstand, but please do not make a statement or tambah garam to things that you THINK it is true.
Well, we finally talk things out. The situation changed. it felt so much sweeter now. It brings back a lot of the past memories when we were going out together :) . And I realise that my feelings for the previous one was i like him very much, it's different in compared to my bf. But to go on with my current relationship, it needs a lot of effort. :’( I want to keep it, but I’m very tired. Furthermore, he met with his ex and he say that he still have the feeling of hate to see her. What is that suppose to mean?
He even locks himself at home to avoid me “thinking nonsense.” But we already discuss about this topic and I told you that I did not restrict him from going out with them and I just don’t want further misunderstand to happen. But why is he giving me this explanation that I would think nonsense if he would to go out with them? Aih… I know I'm not a good gf, I do not play my role well. I feel that I'm undergoing hard times where people think negatively about me. Sad~
It is Saturday. After work, I waited for his car, as I make my way into the car, he didn’t smile. The situation is very cold till we reached Mid Valley. We talked very little. Seems like an argument is going to occur. No idea what happen, I just felt as if I’d done something wrong, something bad. If not, what might have caused him to be in such mood? I kept asking him what happen and I’d no idea how his mom heard about me complaining about his precious son. Darn, I only shared my thoughts with his sis and his aunt. Who else might have told her? And I want to clarify here, I am not complaining. I am just asking for opinions, advice. I’m just sharing my thoughts to someone that I trust. Can’t be trusted anymore? I felt betrayed. Sigh.
In fact, I asked him, are we having problems? I thought that everything is such a small thing. I thought that everything is just about me doubting my feelings and all that I need is just to find back the feelings that went missing. But I see more things now. We are lack of communication. We felt so different. I felt so awkward going out with him today. I’d no idea how come lately I can’t control my temper. I will just say everything that’s on my mind without much thinking. I better change that bad attitude. I tend to offend people a lot.
He says that I shouldn’t complain to others about my relationship problems as they will tell his mom. In fact, his mom say that “this is the bf that u chose.” Sigh. I feel quite tense to talk to people who don’t understand what I really want to say. I admit that I might make people misunderstand, but please do not make a statement or tambah garam to things that you THINK it is true.
Well, we finally talk things out. The situation changed. it felt so much sweeter now. It brings back a lot of the past memories when we were going out together :) . And I realise that my feelings for the previous one was i like him very much, it's different in compared to my bf. But to go on with my current relationship, it needs a lot of effort. :’( I want to keep it, but I’m very tired. Furthermore, he met with his ex and he say that he still have the feeling of hate to see her. What is that suppose to mean?
He even locks himself at home to avoid me “thinking nonsense.” But we already discuss about this topic and I told you that I did not restrict him from going out with them and I just don’t want further misunderstand to happen. But why is he giving me this explanation that I would think nonsense if he would to go out with them? Aih… I know I'm not a good gf, I do not play my role well. I feel that I'm undergoing hard times where people think negatively about me. Sad~
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