Am I the type of person who is not loyal or do I fall in love easily? By the time I decided to take a break from my current relationship and just at that moment you came into my life. We blossom into some fantasy world; shower each other with sweet words, care and attention. Things make me look back about what I did in the past-flirt. Do I really flirt with you? Or telling someone that “I miss you” is not so right? I’m worried that my feeling for you now is just a crush as how I felt for the Aus guy.
My relationship with the Aus guy happen very fast and my feelings for him is not stable. Am I so confirmed back than that I developed new love for him? LOL! A kiss- it tells everything. When he approached me and kissed me that time, I did felt that weird feelings. What I can say, it’s just a crush, a temporary kind of thing.
For now, I do not know what love is anymore, perhaps the meaning of love has long gone, I never felt in love anymore. I lose hope in relationship, in guys, in trusting people. Relationship is so risky, without guarantee and full of surprises which would be good or bad. It’s hard to tell. I’m not sure that I am ready to be in a relationship. And so I speak out, I speak out to a third party and he advised me few things. It makes me think a lot, think about it for quite long during the nights. Thinking of what I really want now, he asked me to make my own decision. Few of those advise include I need to really think and decide rather than just drag the situation day passing day. :(
Monday, April 20, 2009
My own events report
I looked forward to today and finally it came. I reached there before 12.30pm. I met with Siew Chen later on and the rest of the friends at 1pm. We dine at Mc D and watched the movie called “Unborn”. This would be the third movie that we’d watched together as I could recall. This time, we didn’t sit together. Siew Chen was observing us all these while and we would talk about how we felt towards guys that comes into our life.
I begin to think of my actions again. More questions keep flooding my mind. I stop myself from looking at him so often and another side of me stole a few glances of him. Well, I would say I felt happy when we were walking and talking to each other. Although it’s just s short moment, but the feelings of closeness is there. The feelings are very difficult to describe, but it’s a sweet + happy type of feeling. :)
In my mind, things are under control as my initial plan was to mend my relationship with my current bf and at the same time venture in my new friendship with him. I’d no idea why time pass so fast and at last, it’s time to bid farewell. When I’m almost home, I insist on have a tea talk to clear my mind. I feel that my feelings for him have grown fonder towards him. I asked myself whether is it time for me to make decision now to choose my next path?
I wanted to know how he felt towards us now as I might the only one that think too much and caused this complication to my life. He seems to take it easy; his answered me in his usual relaxing manner. It felt so comfortable talking to him; I just hope that the night won’t end. We miss each other so much and wanted to see each other more. Are things still under control as we’d mentioned or the situation is moving to another stage? I just hope that we could still care for each other.
It’s 1am in the morning and I still look forward to your sms. Every night I will look at my phone for new sms from you. My eyes were half closed and I manage to sleep after that.
That night I had 2 dreams. The first 1, I was very tired and slept at Allen’s car when he was fetching me home. The next moment, I can see the sun is rising at the time, Walla! 7 am + in the morning when I reach home. Q: Geez, am I too worried that I would be home late last night?
The next dream, I was walking with him on a street, some busy street, passing by some company. I don’t know why but the more we walk the more close we get and suddenly we were hand in hand. I could feel the warmness of his hands. The more we walk further, more friends came to notice us.
Ah, what was I thinking that it gave me such a dream during the night? Shall I continue to walk in this dream or wake up and face my reality? Do I really need a two hour of plucking the petals of flowers to know what does my heart really want?
I do like this guy, but most of the time we are only talking over the internet and sms. Are we really meant to be together or the feelings same merely based on each other’s flirtatious sweet words? Must I make any changes now or shall I wait and see how things go? I do want to ask him for a date, spend real quality time with him, but will it be wrong doing that? What will he be thinking? Will he like it? Hugz~
I begin to think of my actions again. More questions keep flooding my mind. I stop myself from looking at him so often and another side of me stole a few glances of him. Well, I would say I felt happy when we were walking and talking to each other. Although it’s just s short moment, but the feelings of closeness is there. The feelings are very difficult to describe, but it’s a sweet + happy type of feeling. :)
In my mind, things are under control as my initial plan was to mend my relationship with my current bf and at the same time venture in my new friendship with him. I’d no idea why time pass so fast and at last, it’s time to bid farewell. When I’m almost home, I insist on have a tea talk to clear my mind. I feel that my feelings for him have grown fonder towards him. I asked myself whether is it time for me to make decision now to choose my next path?
I wanted to know how he felt towards us now as I might the only one that think too much and caused this complication to my life. He seems to take it easy; his answered me in his usual relaxing manner. It felt so comfortable talking to him; I just hope that the night won’t end. We miss each other so much and wanted to see each other more. Are things still under control as we’d mentioned or the situation is moving to another stage? I just hope that we could still care for each other.
It’s 1am in the morning and I still look forward to your sms. Every night I will look at my phone for new sms from you. My eyes were half closed and I manage to sleep after that.
That night I had 2 dreams. The first 1, I was very tired and slept at Allen’s car when he was fetching me home. The next moment, I can see the sun is rising at the time, Walla! 7 am + in the morning when I reach home. Q: Geez, am I too worried that I would be home late last night?
The next dream, I was walking with him on a street, some busy street, passing by some company. I don’t know why but the more we walk the more close we get and suddenly we were hand in hand. I could feel the warmness of his hands. The more we walk further, more friends came to notice us.
Ah, what was I thinking that it gave me such a dream during the night? Shall I continue to walk in this dream or wake up and face my reality? Do I really need a two hour of plucking the petals of flowers to know what does my heart really want?
I do like this guy, but most of the time we are only talking over the internet and sms. Are we really meant to be together or the feelings same merely based on each other’s flirtatious sweet words? Must I make any changes now or shall I wait and see how things go? I do want to ask him for a date, spend real quality time with him, but will it be wrong doing that? What will he be thinking? Will he like it? Hugz~
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