Upside down

What have I done today? I told Aunt Joe that he doesn’t like me to make new friends and going out with my new friends. She ask me, “are you not happy being with him” and I say, “I’m not not happy being with him” and she stated a statement of such, “.. is a fool to care for you”. I’m so surprised. Why? o.0 She misunderstand my answers? She answered me no, but why is she giving me such a statement?

I am just sharing my thoughts with her, I do not hide anything or keep some of the things to myself. Am I being too honest? I felt that she thinks that I do not appreciate him, his care, his love. What!! It’s not like what she’s thinking. Though I doubt my feelings for him recently, but after much thoughts I’d finally realized and confirmed what I want and how I feel. My feelings for him are still there. Just that I didn’t think much about it. It’s more like leaving it aside or hid it somewhere unknown. It’s probably due to too many disappointment and insecurity in the past. But since after I saw how he reacts recently, I felt that he still cares after all. It means that I did not make a wrong choice to hold on to this relationship (so much for being stubborn >.<).

It’s not that I’m not happy being with you. Maybe we spend too much time doing the same thing and things go in just a straight line. Honestly, I’m not bored with you. I’m a person who counts value not in terms of $, how could I be bored then? But I want to bring in more excitement to our relationship. As we are still 24, I want to do more things, experience more things with you. But you’re not the type who would do that. For instance, simple task like jogging, I know that you’re not into it, so I decided to go by myself, but you state that your mom will nag at you. So does it mean that I shouldn’t go as well? I do not demand that you need to do things with me. For me, it’s just a small matter. What bout regarding shopping? Sometimes there are things that I want to buy, or places that I want to go. I do not mind to go alone in fact. What’s the problem with it actually? What about me making friends?

You said that I’d changed. Yea, I agree. I’m putting more things into my priority list. And I’m making new friends, I value friendship more now but I did not put us aside. Do keep in mind, I love you stil~

P/s: Lucky that things didn’t develop any further between…. If not, things would be much more complicated. But at least whatever happens wakes me up and makes me think of what I want to find in life. It makes life more meaningful. Thank you, thank you Vic! Hope you’re doing well and happy with your life now. God bless.

Start of something new?

“You there?” That’s the first word that you msned me since we last chat. I think it’s almost 3 weeks we didn’t hear from each other. Wow! I felt as if it’s been few months, or years. Honestly, I’m afraid that I might feel awkward when we chat again. I’m being very careful with the words that I’m using to reply you. I do not want another silence after this chat.

The words that you’d once said to me still remain in my mind. “You’re making me very miserable.” It hurts a lot when these words coming from a person whom you really care and close to. But it doesn’t matter now.

I somehow realize something from the show “Look for a Star” that I’d watched few days back. When you love someone, you won’t give up that easily. Love can make someone do a lot of things – to sacrifice. There’s this phrase from the show which I find it quite meaningful, “there’s a happiness crystal ball, the pieces are scattered all over the world. There are a lot of people collecting the pieces, some will manage to collect a few pieces of happiness, and others will manage to collect more.” It makes me think about us, the time that we shared not much, the happiness that we get is not much either, but we felt happy together before and that’s what that matters.

Well, I’m quite surprise that you decided to talk to me again. But what’s the purpose? LOL! You said it’s partly because my birthday is coming and partly wanted to know that I’m ok. Haha! Must I feel happy? What if I’m born on the 31st of Dec? Wow, I will need to wait for quite a while to hear from you again.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I’d learn a lot of things from the past. I’d this funny colleague that we msn often n sms once a while, he like to say “just joking” when we talk about something more in depth/sweet. *Giggles* Probably he doesn’t want me to misunderstand his words. But whatever it is, I will keep a distance from him, mainly because I don’t want things to turn ugly as how it happens to us. I like to share my sadness with him, as he listen, he advice, he’s there. Can be quite a good friend I think. *Wink*

On the other hand, I’m getting on quite okay with my current relationship now though I concentrate more on my job, planning for more events and promotion for GE. Hope things will always be on the good side and “God, please bless everyone with love and happiness”…

Journey Continues...

How have you been doing lately? I’m still thinking a lot about you. Wondering when would we start to keep in touch again. In fact, I dreamt about you smsing me last night. I felt very happy to receive your first sms as it shows that we can start building a new friendship. It seems ages to me since I last heard from you. I no longer see you online anymore, are you busy? Travelling to KL? Or did you block me at msn? *Sad*

I’d befriend with another Gemini guy. It reminds me a lot about us. He is one of my business partners at work. We started to msn quite a lot lately. Last night we went out for dinner with other colleagues. It is nice to make new friends; to do something different apart from purely working and staying at home, chit-chat, release stress and to broaden the social circle. Different individual shares different views and experiences in life. I realized a lot of things as I listen to stories about other people. It makes me think about what I have got to plan for my future. I shouldn’t just be contented with my results now, including my job, income and etc.

I used to be quite ambitious type of person, longing to learn new things and push myself quite far (really?). I like to feel satisfied with what I’d done. I’m not the type of person who can go very far, but I like to try, to work hard. Seeing the results puts me high in the air. I can’t remember the last time I have such feelings of satisfaction but I know it’s not recent. Honestly, I’m not satisfied with my academy result. What happen to me? My academy result shouldn’t be like that. How come I do not care much about my academy result anymore? (Actually it’s not that I don’t care, when it comes to things that I don’t understand, I’m lost and it puts me very far from the track.)

*Feeling very semangat now* I gotta do something, gotta do something, gotta do something… But do what? *Lol*

I’m planning to take up a language course, perhaps Japanese or Korean as a start. Probably will take up another short course, maybe I will look into some computer designing course or management course. Not so sure about it yet. I’m going to hunt down more information before making any final decision. Anyone can give me some good advice? Some suggestions? Wish me luck k! But nobody knows about my blog pun. =.=”

Life Goes On

I look at your Facebook profile whenever I log-in. I ask myself whether or not you are happy with your new relationship as how I see you smiling in the photos beside your love one and hugging her so sweetly. I’d been thinking about you everyday. I can some what still feel your care and I feel that I’m quite attached to you although things are different now. For me, I felt as if things have never change. I still check my hp for sms quite often. It’s weird that my hp is so quiet now. Maybe I still can’t let you go though I’m compressing the feelings now.

I know that I have someone else whom I should pay attention to. He treats me quite well, cares more for me and gives me more attention lately. His family talks about our marriage but I feel that I’m not prepared for it; I still don’t see the time yet. I started to ask myself what is it that I want to do now. What is love? How deep are my feelings for him? Uh, confused again. I feel quite guilty towards him. *Sigh*

Ah, I guess I have to somehow try to love him again as much as I do last time. Though the feelings are not as strong as before, but I can still feel that my feelings for him are not totally gone. I can’t bear to hurt his heart, see him in pain and sorrows. I will do my best as I know I won’t give up easily. *Yay*

On the other hand, I still have you in mind, missing you each day as always. We won’t make good couple, we both know that; but I hope that we can make great friends. Take care pal, may god bless you and have a save journey back to Aus!

Confusion again =.="

Everything seem fine to me. I was thinking that if I would only look into my current relationship, fully focus on it and putting you away from my mind, everything will be better but...

Damn, I woke up 4 something in the morning again, and I miss you so much. Things are different for me when I came back to KL. Each time I place my lips on my bf, my mind can only think about our kiss. The feelings are so different. Gosh, am I madly in love with you? I keep asking myself, do I still love my bf? I'm so confused about my feelings now. I guess it doesn't matter for you now as you'd already found your new love and you already have someone who love you so much and make you so happy.

Seeing your photos with your gf in facebook makes me super duper down. On the other hand, I'm happy if you're happy with your current relationship as I know I couldn't give you as much as she does. I shouldn't hold you back as you will be happier in your new relationship. Smiles can be seen in every picture of your and her together. What I can do now is just give my fullest blessing for both of you. Hereby, I would like to dedicate this song for you. Probably I can sing this song for you in return to our Shuo Hao De Xing Fu. *wink*

-Chinese Edition-
祝福 (張學友)
(朋友 我永遠祝福你)

不要問 不要說 一切盡在不言中
這一刻偎著燭光 讓我們靜靜的渡過
莫揮手 莫回頭 當我唱起這首歌
怕只怕淚水輕輕的滑落

願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬

幾許愁 幾許憂 人生難免苦與痛
失去過 才能真正懂得去珍惜和擁有
情難捨 人難留 今朝一別各西東
冷和熱點點滴滴在心頭

願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬

傷離別 離別雖然在眼前
說再見 再見不會太遙遠
若有緣 有緣就能期待明天
你和我重逢在燦爛的季節

願心中留著笑容
陪你渡過每個春夏秋冬

-Pinyin-
Zhu Fu (Zhang Xue You)
(Peng you Wo yong yuan zhu fu ni)

Bu yao wen Bu yao shuo Yi qie jin zai bu yan zhong
Zhe yi ke wei zhe zhu guang Rang wo men jing jing de du guo
Mo hui shou Mo hui tou Dang wo chang qi zhe shou ge
Pa zhi pa lei shui qing qing de hua luo

Yuan xin zhong yong yuan liu zhe wo de xiao rong
Ban ni zou guo mei yi ge chun xia qiu dong

Ji xu chou Ji xu you Ren sheng nan mian ku yu tong
Shi qu guo Cai neng zhen zheng dong de qu zhen xi he yong you
Qing nan she Ren nan liu Jin zhao yi bie ge xi dong
Leng he re dian dian di di zai xin tong

Yuan xin zhong yong yuan liu zhe wo de xiao rong
Ban ni zou guo mei yi ge chun xia qiu dong

Shang li bie Li bie sui ran zai yan qian
Shuo zai jian Zai jian bu hui tai yao yuan
Ruo you yuan You yuan jiu neng qi dai ming tian
Ni he wo chong feng zai can lan de ji jie

Yuan xin zhong liu zhe xiao rong
Pei ni du guo mei ge chun xia qiu dong

-English Translation-
Blessings (Jacky Cheung)
(Friend, I'll give you my blessings forever)

Don't ask, don't speak, leave everything unspoken
This moment cuddles the candlelight, letting us quietly pass through
Don't wave your hands, don't turn back, when I sing this song
My only fear is that tears will softly begin to flow

I hope your heart will keep my smile forever
Accompanying you through every season

How many worries, how many concerns, life is inevitably bitter and painful
Only after loss, do we really understand how to cherish and to hold
Love is hard to let go, people are hard to keep, nowadays once we bid farewell we go our separate ways
Cold and warmth, little by little, drop by drop, are taken to heart

I hope your heart will keep my smile forever
Accompanying you through every season

Pain has parted, yet pain is still before my eyes
I've said goodbye, yet goodbye is not so far away
Perhaps we have fate, with fate then I can look forward to tomorrow
You and I will meet again in a glorious season

I hope that my smile is kept in your heart
Keeping you company through every season

Moments that can only be cherish in words

It's 8.30am when I reach the office. It seems early to me, usually I would check on my phone for sms and would call you and we would talk on the phone. Things weren’t as before and I still like to keep these moments with me, moments that I would never want to forget.

It's the 23rd of Jan and I just reached Penang. We decided to meet that very night. I felt very excited as it's going to be our first meeting. You picked me up from home. I speed up my steps as I walk towards your car in the opposite road. My hearts thumping as I make myself comfortable with my seats in your car, Wira. I looked at you, smile and giggles as we are heading to Queensbay. I still couldn't believe my eyes as this is the guy I'm talking to all these while. Things didn’t go smoothly as we dine in at Coffee Bean. We are having communication breakdown and argument is on the rise. It's quite bad for a first time meeting.

The following day we meet up again. We are going to Gurney for Sakae for our first meal. Before that, we find a place and talked about us. You felt that I wasn't as sweet as you think I am in comparison to the time before we met. (Disappointment?). On the way home, you asked me to make a big decision. I never thought that the decision can change so many things. We finally agree that we shouldn't be together. You gave a day for us to try as couple and my feelings for you are still not determined. Time pass quite fast and it's time for us to depart. I felt so hard to let go thinking about what had happen as I sat on my bed. The feelings for you seem so strong. It's not as simple as I thought. It's something more that I would felt for a friend. I asked myself several times as tears rolling down my cheeks, was it love?

I'm having a hard time as the days seems like years to me. I felt very moody, can't sleep properly and have little appetite for food. I still remember you asking me whether to accept another girl that shows you sign that she likes you as we can't be together when I'm attached to my bf. You did not entertain my sms much as you said that you'd given me a day to show my real feelings for you and I didn't. (Is there any time limit if you're showing love for someone?).

We didn't contact much as your friend is coming over from KL and staying at your place. I still feel that things happen too fast. One moment you're so sweet and the next you're ignoring me to the max. Sweet things still runs through my mind, I felt so loved whenever you pat and runs your finger through my hair. (Heart melts). It wasn't long when I saw your facebook stated that you are in a relationship with another girl. I'm quite shocked, the world whole become so blank suddenly. I knew somehow we have to talk about this issue and so I waited from Sunday till Tuesday.

I'm still quite emotional and everyday I would date different guys out just to fill up my time. I wouldn't choose to be at home and keep thinking about you. Few days passed and my emo is getting more stable.

Finally Tuesday reached and I suggested that we went Queensbay Chopper Board for dinner. I'd made up my mind that there wasn't any slight chance left that we might be together as both of us are attached now and we can't click to each other quite well. But I still have words that I kept so long in my heart, all those questions that I seek for answers from you. My heart felt so light after that, it's like plucking out all the thorns from my heart though the pain is still there. The time where we stand at the Centre Court talking is the sweetest moments for me. As you placed your arms over my shoulder, I could only see you in my world. I lay down on your shoulder and I felt so xing fu. How I wish the time would stop. You move your other arms and hugged me from the back and we hug so much. (Heart melts again =.="). Aih, it's time to go home and I request that we took pictures together as remembrance. We were in the car and I look at you, into your eyes. You move closely to me and oops, we kissed - again. (Am I dreaming?) I felt this is a sign of a new love, a new relationship.

We meet up again at school. We went for school food and visited few teachers. We decided to rest at the pavilion and chit chat for a while as it's going to be the last time that we will meet this holiday as I'm leaving for KL at 1.30pm on that day. We'd both agreed that we should set a limit to the things we do in future. You sang our song - Shou Hao De Xing Fu Ne, as I lay my head on your shoulder. Before we left, we French kiss - again? (o.0). I didn't stop as I know it’s going to be the very last time you show your feelings for me. My heart felt so heavy as you drop me back.

Good bye my dear, my bi, my kai xing guo. May you be well, be happy and bless with love in your relationship. Hope that as time goes by, we can be friends again since you need time to get over our issue. Meanwhile I can only log on into your facebook and blogs to update myself with your info. I still have strong affection for you. We might not be lovers, but you will always be someone that I care and love very very much. Muaks and Hugs~