Heard of people say that those whom you care can make u super happy and super sad? Well, I wasn’t really sure about this but this is what I felt. We spend our next gathering in the apartment Batu Ferringhi, Penang. We settle down and took some rest. We had a swim and waited for the time for the bbq to come. Geez, whole night I was so busy socializing with my friends and didn’t realize that I’d neglected my bf. I chatted from friends to friends, moving around all the time. This is when I was surprise to receive sms from my 012 phone. Who would have sms me at a time like this with this number? It was him alright. I smiled at his sms, is he bored or something? Should I walk over to entertain him as this I’d invited him to join us actually. Wouldn’t it be bad to abandon my bf like that?
One of his sms caught my attention. What has he been lacking in an environment like this? Seaside, food, and people, it’s already perfect I would say. Without hesitation, I walked up to his place and sit beside his friends. We chat a little and gosh, I need to move around again, entertainment one after another. Finally it’s time to head home. We took few pictures and clean up the place and return to the apartment.
It felt so nice after a hot shower. As it’s already late, my bf went to bed after resting in the living room. We started playing card games and drinking a lot. Seldom that I would spend time with my friends like this. I started to feel a bit drunk, so I rest myself on the sofa. We started to see Allen’s performance and we jus chit chat and laugh among ourselves. Sooner did I realize, he place his arms on my waist and bit by bit I could feel that he’s holding me closer to him. I did not reject his hugs and further more I put my hands and his palm. I felt so cosy in his arms. I placed my head towards his and I felt so close to him. I let go of his hands when my bf pic came into my mind. Until it’s about sunrise - 6 am, we finally return to our bedroom and take a nap. We started to pack and it’s about time to head back to KL.
Along the journey back, we were both thinking bout each other. He mentioned that if I didn’t have a bf, we would have started off already. He was trying to put us in a grey zone all these while so that things wouldn’t be hard for me and my bf. But the situation seems to get more complicated now as we show our feelings to each other. I do not feel that we are in a grey zone anymore. I have friends that told me not to lie to myself as they can see who I liked more.
Are things as easy as it seem for me to make a decision to let go of a 4 year relationship and to accept a new unknown relationship merely based on this few days development? I know I shouldn’t have judge the new guy as how he is as I’m attached now. Seeing my bf losing confidence in himself make me sad. He knows that my feelings for him have decreased since beginning of the year. I do not want to see him in pain or hurt his feelings. I’m jus torn between two, dilemmas.
I hope that I can get him out of my mind and just concentrate on my current relationship, though at times I thought about progressing with the new guy. Aihz
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